


The day he met her

by ErinTheOtaku



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Cute, F/M, Flashbacks, Multi Chapter, Romance, Set before the main story, Tragedy, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-30
Updated: 2014-10-30
Packaged: 2018-02-23 05:24:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2535761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ErinTheOtaku/pseuds/ErinTheOtaku
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's just another day on Tenroujima for Zeref, every day is always the same for him. The only way for him to deal with the pain of surviving is to loose himself in the memories of Mavis. Rated M for a little bit of violence and some romance stuff for safety.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I decided to put all my fics from fanfiction.net on here too, so if this seems familiar at all that's why. :) Anything in Italics is current time, normal text is flashbacks. It was originally the other way around but having to make italics for every line before a break is way too annoying, so I changed it since there's less current time paragraphs.

_A bird falls motionless from the rotting tree it had been perched on. The bird lands at my feet, dead. Looking at me with its cold, unmoving eyes. The tree now black and falling apart. Another bird flies over to see what's happening. The bird is dead. It's always like this, no matter what I do. I try to control my magic, trees die. I try to learn new magic, birds die. I try to kill myself, people die. I wish I had never learnt this magic. I regret everything I've done in my pathetic life. Everything but one decision. The decision to fall in love with Mavis. Not that it was really something I could control. I still remember everything about her as clear as the sky that was always shining whenever she was near. ___  
  
I walk through a forest, everything in my way dying as I go. I don't know how long it'll be until I reach the next city. It doesn't really matter to me though, while I'm here not able to kill anyone, I know that my creatures are out ravishing and destroying the cities of the worthless humans who inhabit this Earth. My blood boils in my veins when I think of all the lives that will be lost, all the screams from the children, from their mothers who try to save their children to no avail. My heart races like someone running for their life from one of my monsters. A smile finds its way to my face and I can't stop myself from laughing. I see someone in the distance. A girl who looks about 10 years old. Perfect. I wonder if she'll scream, or if she'll die before she gets the chance to. Every step I take brings me closer to her, to sheer pleasure. She finally turns around when I am ten steps away. Even if she starts running now she won't make it away alive. But I want her to run. I want to enjoy the chase.  
   
Although no matter how much I will her to flee, she stands unmoving. Ruining my fun,  she'll pay for that. I won't give her a quick death. People who ruin my fun deserve long, painful deaths, with lots of screaming.  I am face to face with her, holding back my magic until I can refine it enough to make her unable to move, but also so that she won't die from the impact. Her eyes have the oddest expression in them, she's not afraid of me at all. She looks… curious. But surely she can feel my power, perhaps she's simply resigned herself to her fate, knowing she can do nothing to save herself. I let my magic out and the girl is enveloped in a black so heavy it would crush anything that wasn't me. A black so dark that is makes you forget what light looks like. As the magic dissipates I expect to see the girl on the ground, her face contorted in pain. My heart races even more in anticipation of seeing her whole body in immense pain, of seeing her lying helpless on the ground, with no choice but  to be subjected to whatever whim I come across.  
   
But what I see is not what I imagined. She's...fine. Not a scratch anywhere, no blood at all. Her face shows her shock, but even that doesn’t last. As time passes her shocked expression changes to one of amazement and awe. What is happening?  
"Whoa! Was that magic? It looked so pretty!" She is talking to me. Me, the black wizard, the killing mage, recognized by everyone as the strongest, most evil mage in history. And this… girl, this kid is talking to me. What.is.happening?  
"Uuuum, hellooo? Sleepyhead kun?" Every word she says infuriates me. Anger rises through my body leaving nothing but hate and fury. I can feel my whole body trembling in anger, my face changing to show my feelings so clearly. This girl should not be here. She should be on the ground begging for my mercy, screaming our for help, and then screaming out in pain. She should be bleeding and broken and paralysed and dying in pain. So why is she here, why is she talking to me and why is she calling me sleepyhead kun. Kun! Just the thought of someone thinking of themself as my equal makes me want to kill everything around me in a fiery blaze. When it is happening in front of me I can't even describe how I feel. I want the whole world to burn, to feel my wrath and beg for my mercy before I rip them apart. People call me sama, kami, dono, but not kun. Never kun. I see her face change again, she looks worried. Not for herself, but for me. First she calls me kun and now she is acting worried for me. What makes this little brat think that she is my equal? What gives her the nerves.  She starts to talk again but I'm not going to let her finish.  
   
The magic of death flows through me and rushes out at her in all its power, nothing held back. The anger that had filled my body all flies out at the brat with my magic and in its place pure bliss fills my body. The feeling of using all my magic without holding anything back is the best thing I have ever felt, no matter how many times it happens I can never get over it, and it always seems better than the last time I experienced it. I can not imagine anything better than this feeling, knowing that nothing around me will survive, with death literally in me, all around me. The world is mine in the moments when I use my power, and anyone who says differently feels my wrath, my power. Then, it stops. My beautiful black magic, my magic that is death itself is being pushed back, by a light so bright, a light so bright… My thoughts stop, I can't think. It's just so bright. So bright…  
   
 _That was when I met her. My life has never been the same since then. She made me such a good person, and I betrayed her that worst way I could. She trusted me and I destroyed that trust without even meaning to. I never deserved her, but I still got the have her, albeit only for a little while. Every second I spent with her made my life just a little better. Ever word she told me made me a better person. She taught me the value of life, how what I was doing was wrong. She showed me how strong humans are, that they're not just scum living on this world, they're the reason the world exists, that it flourishes so much. Sometimes I find myself wishing that I really had never met. Her life would have been better, would have been longer if I hadn’t been in it. And if she never taught me to be a better person then I wouldn't feel so terrible now every time I kill something. But I can never stick with these wishes. I'm too selfish. Far too selfish. I know how much better her life would have been if I hadn’t have been in it, but that knowledge can never outweigh how much better my life was for the short time I knew her. I wouldn't give up those memories, that time with her for anything. I know how selfish I am, I know how horrible I am but I can't stop the feelings I have. I just can't. ___  
  
My eyes force themselves open and look up at the blue sky. Perfectly clear, with not a cloud in sight. I look around and see my surroundings. Trees, grass, and the girl from before. All untouched, even glowing a little bit.  
"You're finally awake! Are you ok?" She sounds so worried, for me. For someone like me. But for some reason, I'm not mad. Not like before. I'm… happy. Why am I happy? Has the girl done something to me? Has she changed me somehow? I stand myself up and before I realise it I am talking.  
"I'm alright, but how are you ok? And what was that light?" Why am I being polite to her, why I am not murdering her? Why why why?  
"That light is my magic! Isn’t is pretty? But it's actually really strong! Trust me! It protected me." Her voice is so innocent. How can something so innocent stop my magic, the most feared magic on the planet, which replaces life with death with no exceptions. I don't understand.  
"But, how are you still alive? No magic can stand up to mine. NONE." I have never been more confused in my life. Nor have I been this intrigued by a human. One I can't kill, I've never met anyone like this.  
"Then I guess I must be pretty special!  I told you, my magic is super strong!" I can not believe what is happening before my eyes. Even I wanted to kill this girl, I couldn't. But the thing is, for the first time ever, I don't want to kill someone. I don't want to kill this girl. Something makes me want to learn more about her, makes me want to be around her. I must be going insane.  
"Hey, you look really shaken up. Do you want to come inside and rest? I'm sure the rest of my guild would love to meet someone as strong as you!"  
"Your, guild?" This girl is part of a guild? She can't be older than ten, and yet her magic can blast away mine and she's in a guild. What on earth have I found? Is she like me? No, I am death, she is nothing like me. But what if she is? What if she is my opposite? While I am death, what if she is life? Completely opposite but still the same?  
"Yep! My guild! And when I say that I don’t mean I'm just a member, no no.  I am the master of the one and only Fairy Tail! Bet you didn't expect a little girl like me to be a master." This girl, a master? I must be loosing it.  
"Not at all…" I can't stop the muscles in my face before they change into a look of surprise.  
"Well, now that I've successfully shocked you why don’t you come inside? My name's Mavis by the way. Mavis Vermillion. Yours?"  
"Zeref, just Zeref." I can't explain why, but I feel like I have to hide my true identity from her. Like I'm ashamed of it. I don't even know what is happening anymore. We walk together, her humming and skipping, me going step by step in absolute silence, my brain working as fast as it will to figure out what is going on. When we reach the guild I see a few others standing out front. They must be her guild members, her friends…  
"Wait!" I scream, I'm still trying to figure out why as I speak.  
"Whoa, what's wrong Zeref kun?" She doesn't know, doesn't know how much damage I could do if let near her friends.  
"No, I can't go there. I can't go near them. I don't want to hurt you, I can't hurt them, it'll hurt you. I, I , I can't." I run away screaming the last few words. Me, the most feared mage to ever live, running away like a coward.  
"Wait! Why can’t you do what? Where are you going? Why are you crying? Wait!!" So many questions, but I don't have answers for her. I don't know why I can't hurt her, I don't know why I can't hurt the people she cares about, I don't know where I'm going I don't know why I'm crying I don't know I don't know I don't know.


	2. Chapter 2

_I was so naïve back then, I couldn’t even understand my own feelings. I just kept saying the same thing over and over again, "I don’t know!" Deep down I knew what was going on, I understood why I wanted to protect Mavis and the people she cared about. It was just hard getting that information to the surface, to a level where I could understand what I knew. Of course I understand perfectly clear now. Too bad it's too late now. I'm always berating my past self, why couldn’t I just realise how good a person she made me? Was it so hard for me to understand that I loved her, to tell her that? Maybe if I understood my feelings sooner, and had just a little more courage, I could have told her how I felt, and everything could have been different. She wouldn't have died that day. But that's all in the past now, in the hands of the me from the past, the stupid me from the past. ___  
  
I can’t take this. I can’t take her. She's too much for me. I turn around and look but she's either given up on chasing me, or simply can’t keep up anyway. I let myself stop and think about everything that just happened. 1: I'm walking through the forest. 2: I see her. 3: I want to kill her. 4: I can't kill her. 5: I don't want to kill her. 6: I run. What happened that made me change me mind? What did she do to me that's changed me so much? Now that I think of it, I haven’t felt the urge to kill anyone since she stopped my magic. I haven’t reminisced about the deaths I've already caused, I haven’t dreamt about murdering anyone new, I haven’t given any thought to what my monsters are doing. Usually that's all I think about. All that matters to me. Did her light do something to me? Did it make me feel… empathy for humans? No, that can’t be. But why else would I be like this? I don’t want to go back to her. Even though I know she's done something to me, that I'm not my normal self I can't do anything to stop it. I can't do anything to stop the fact that what I'm feeling right now isn’t hate, but a wish to protect. If I go there who knows what'll happen? Will she blast me with her light again to make sure I stay the way I am? What if she won't ever let me go back to the way I was? In the face of my reluctance my legs start moving. No! Stop! I scream at my legs. They don’t stop. Something in the back of my mind is telling them to go. I realise that my resistance is futile and let my legs take me back to the place I just ran away crying from.  
   
Every step I make takes me closer to Fairy tail, back to Mavis, and before I know it I can see her. She's talking to her guildmates, probably telling them what a strange experience she had. I've come this far but I don't know what I'm supposed to do next. Should I call out to her? Should I walk up and start talking, pretending that I didn't just have a total breakdown in front of her. I am lost in the maze that is my mind, my conflicting and confusing thoughts. I open my mouth to call out to her as she turns around and notices me. Her face transforms into one of pure happiness, a smile so big it should be impossible and eyes so innocent they can't possibly belong to a human.  
"You're back! You're baaaaack! No one here believed me about meeting you but here you are! See everyone, I told you I wasn't lying!" While Mavis's face shows that of joy, her guildmates face's show shock and horror.  
"Don't you come any closer!" One of her guildmates screams at me.  
"We won't let you in this guild, we will protect out friends!" Another scream.  
"Mavis, get back! We'll take care of this!" And another.  
I guess Mavis is the only anomaly, the rest of her guild must know who I am.  
   
"Guys! Don't be so rude! He is a guest at our guild and he is suuuper strong but not as strong as me because I mean who is my magic is just so cool and he would make a really good guild member and I don't care what rumours you tell me he's a good person I can just tell and you know how good my intuition is and just look at him, he's so confused and would he really run away crying if he's as evil as you say he is just give him a chance guys I trust him and you trust me ok?" She can sure say a lot, I must admit. All her guildmates take a few steps back but they haven’t let their guard down just yet. I can tell how wary they are of me.  
"Um, I'm not sure why I came back, uh, I just, Mavis I need to talk to you but uh, without your ah, friends. Your light, it did, it did something and I, I just, I need your help." I collapse to the ground, I can't believe I'm being so pathetic, showing such weaknesses. I can feel the moisture in my eyes again.  
"Please, just, please." Why I am bringing myself to such depths of humiliation? Why am I doing this to myself?  
"You don't have to beg silly, of course I'll talk to you! Now stand up and dry those tears!" Her voice is so pretty, I feel like I could listen to it for hours. I take her invitation and stand up, but I still don't look at her face to face. I shy away from her stare, not wanting her to see more of my tears, of my weakness.  
"Here, take this." She is holding out a tissue for me, I accept it.  
"Thanks." I mumble back to her, barely hearing it myself.  
   
"Well, let's not just stand here all day. Everyone! Me and my new friend Zeref will be talking in the second floor of the guild, so if you would please give us some space I will love you forever!" I can tell that her guildmates are hesitant to leave us alone, but they trust Mavis enough to believe her judgement of me. I'm sure they'll be just waiting at the bottom of the stairs for any sign of me trying to attack her though. I guess it can't be helped, humans tend to have a herd mentality, not much I can do about that. Mavis turns to me and reaches out her hand. Does she want me to take it?  
"Grab on!" She coaxes me. I reach out hesitantly and she takes my hand in hers and runs towards the guild, me in tow with a look of surprise as clear as a crystal lacrima on my face. We run past her guildmates' wary faces and through the doors of Fairy Tail. I am in awe when I enter. I can't act like I know her so well already, but the guild just seems so like Mavis. It's no wonder she's the master here. We run up the stairs together and finally collapse onto a couch barely big enough for the both of us.  
"So, what did you want to talk to me about?" I couldn't describe her voice in a single word even if I spent years thinking of one. It's sweet, it's bubbly, it's innocent, it's gentle and adorable and pure and the sound vibrates in my ears and sends bliss all through my body. It calms me.  
   
"Well, um, before when I, when I used my uh magic, the black stuff, you used your magic too, the white light stuff, wait of course you know what your magic looks like, wait that's not the point. The point is you used your magic and it uh, deflected mine and then you were ok but that shouldn't have happened because when I use my magic nothing survives, because well I mean it's called the magic of death and again that's not the point. Anyway now I'm all different and I don't really know how to say this but I'm not a good guy. Like, you hear all the fairy tales with princes and princesses but there's always a bad guy and that's me. But ever since I got hit by your magic I've felt less and less like the bad guy and more confused about who I am. My life is killing and destruction and death and it fills me with joy but I just can't bring myself to kill you, I don't even want to. And I don't want to kill your friends because I don't want to hurt you and I know I killed them you'd be hurt and I don't know what it is but you've done something to me and you need to, you need to fix it because this isn't me, I just don't understand what's happened to me." Before I know it I am rambling and telling her everything that is inside my head. I would normally never be ashamed of who I am but it almost hurts me to tell her about my true identity. I feel like she will judge me for the monster I am and that she will never want to see me again and I don’t know why but even thinking about her doing that, never seeing her again makes my chest contort with pain.  
   
"Well that was a mouthful! I'll try and answer everything I can. You said your magic is called the magic of death, so, if you call yours that then I guess I could call mine the magic of life. I wouldn’t call it offensive magic but I guess it technically is. I'm actually trying to tweak it right now to create a new spell called Fairy Law, and that's what I used on you. So I guess I should thank you for being my test subject! Geez, now I'm getting off topic. But anyway, Fairy Law will do nothing harmful to anyone who is good, but it can kill someone who is bad. It looks inside a persons heart and expels the darkness. If someone is more dark than light, it'll kill them. But if they're more light than dark, it'll expel the darkness from inside them and set their heart free. You had darkness inside you but that didn’t make you a bad guy. When I hit you with my magic I, purified you, made you forget all the darkness you hide within yourself and transformed you into your true self. And I know you're saying you want me to fix you, but not only can I not, I will not. You may be shocked now but you'll get used to it and trust me, you'll be happier for it. My magic isn't made to break people like you, it’s meant to fix them." Her words sink in on me. It seems impossible. That I, Zeref, have good in me. That I have more good than evil. I want to believe her words, I want to believe them so much, but can I really fool myself like that? Surely she's lying to me, to make me feel better. But what if she isn't?  
   
"This must be a lot to take in, are you ok?" She sounds so concerned, I feel like the luckiest person in the world to have Mavis be worried about me.  
"You know what? I'm really not ok. I think I need to rest and just sort some things out alone. I don't want to intrude anymore, I'll just go." I really don't want to leave her, but I can't be more of a burden on her.  
"Don't be silly Zeref! I used my magic on you, I have to take responsibility for you! And anyway, I can't let someone as cute as you out into the world on his own, who knows what might happen to you? No, you're going to come with me, I'm going to get you a place to lie down and you are going to rest and I'm going to take care of you and I will not accept no for an answer. Ok?"  
"Ok."


	3. Chapter 3

_Mavis was also so kind to me. I never thought I deserved her kindness, let alone deserved her. I always felt so blessed to even be in her presence. After that day we met we became closer and closer. She helped me come to terms with the new me, helped me understand the people around me. Through her I learnt to feel emotions both good and bad. I learnt to feel happiness and sadness, empathy for others. Most of all she taught me love, but she never knew that. I was never brave enough to tell her, by the time I realised what my feelings were I had known her for so long, she had become the first friend I had ever made. I couldn't ruin that by telling her my feelings and pressuring her to feel the same way about me. I couldn't bare to lose Mavis, the one most important thing in my world. So I went through the pain of being with her, but never truly with her. It was ok though, I could deal with it. I always thought that was the right thing to do, but I should have confessed to her. Her future could have been different that way. ___  
  
" Gooood morning Zeref!" I am pulled out of my sleep by a sudden voice that sounds like it's coming from the heavens. I sit up with lightning speed and crash into Mavis's head.  
"Ow! Zeref!" I open my eyes to see Mavis right above me. I push myself back, sitting against the head of my bed.  
"Geez Mavis you surprised me! Did I hurt you?" Even as I say the words I know how stupid they sound. I mean seriously, Mavis, getting hurt by something like that? Mavis can take on entire magic guilds at once, but I still feel the need to ask if she's ok.  
"You sure did! I won't recover for another minute, maybe even two! How could you do such a horrible thing?" Mavis laughs as she talks, her smile lighting up my room. Her laugh turns contagious and now I'm laughing along with her.  
"Oh Mavis! I don't think you'll ever recover, how on earth can I repay you for what I've done?" It is an indisputable fact for me that being woken up by Mavis is the best way to be woken up ever, end of story.  
"Well, there's a job I'd like to go on but I would be so lonely without you so I demand that you come with me!"  
"That, I can do, give me a minute to get ready?" I say with a smile on my face.  
"I'll start a stopwatch!" I laugh off Mavis's remark and she leaves me to get prepared for the job.  
I've lost count of how many jobs I've gone on with Mavis, but I still get excited every time we go on a new one. Partly for the adventure, but mostly for the time I'll get to spend with Mavis. Not only watching her, but admiring her magic. On our first mission together we found out that our magic works really well together. Her white with my black, her life with my death. Ever since we learnt that we've gone on every single job together. Our enemies see us, her glowing like an angel and me looking at them with the eyes of a demon. No one can withstand us. Using my magic for good with her instead of what I used to use to for has given my life so much purpose, and not a single day goes by that I'm not grateful to her for what she's done to me, and how she's impacted on my life. I can feel my heart throb as I pull my shirt over my chest. I brush my hair down into a manageable state and walk out to meet Mavis.  
   
"You are currently 2 minutes and 37 seconds late! What do you have to say for yourself?" Mavis is trying to make a serious face when she says this but she doesn’t manage to do so.  
"You were serious when you said that before? I thought you were just joking!" Mavis gives up on attempting to look serious as I speak and lets herself smile, like she should. She always looks best when she's smiling.  
"Well, there's nothing I can do about it now so I guess I'll have to forgive you. You're lucky I'm such a forgiving person Zeref!" She thinks I'm lucky that she's forgiving, but she'll never understand how lucky I really am. For her our relationship is nothing special, I'm just another friend to her, but to me having her there for me makes me feel so lucky to be alive, so lucky to exist.  
"You don't know how lucky I am." I think to myself.  
"What’s that supposed to mean?" Mavis asks me in a questioning tone as I realise what I just said.  
"Um, I just said that out loud didn’t I? You know what, just forget I said anything, ok?" I don't remember the last time I felt this embarrassed. I can feel my cheeks getting hotter and immediately look down at the floor, the ceiling, anywhere that will save me from Mavis's gaze, I can't let her see me blushing over something like this.  
"Ok, if you say so. Anyway, we should get going. You ready?" I can tell that she still wants to know what I was talking about, but she doesn't press me further. She understands that I don’t want to talk about it, and respects that. She always understands me perfectly. She knows when I need to be cheered up or when I should be left alone. Which is just one of the reasons why I love her so much.  
"Yeah, I'm ready. Let's go." We join arms as we leave the guild, a smile on both our faces. We stroll through the forest until we reach the train station.  
   
"I feel like I should have asked this already, but where exactly is this job?" I ask Mavis, she removes her arm from mine and goes to grab something out of her bag. I already miss her warmth, even if only our arms were touching. She pulls out a map and points to a spot.  
"This is us now, and this," she moves her hand about halfway across the map," is where we're going!" I can't tell where exactly she is pointing but I can tell that it isn't somewhere nearby.  
"How come we're going so far away? Usually you like to stay around Magnolia, is there a really high reward or something?" As she goes to answer Mavis's face slowly turns red. Is she… blushing? No, that couldn't be it. She's so carefree, why would she be blushing when we're just having a normal conversation?  
"Well, the job's nothing special, we just have to deal with some small time dark guild, the reward's pretty standard, but the thing is… There's this really famous island I've heard rumours about near where the job is. People say actual fairies live there! And I know you'll probably make fun of me but I wanted to see if the rumours were true, I mean, how cool would it be to see a real live fairy? And then I figured is there was anyone I'd want to share that experience with it'd be you, so that's why I invited you along." If anything Mavis's blush has intensified. I can tell how embarrassed she is telling me about her weak side, but for me, I'm overjoyed that she would feel comfortable enough with me to share this with me. Of course, I'm overjoyed by the news itself as well. The fact that she wanted to invite me, and no one else makes my whole body tingle. Sometimes when I'm with her I'm seriously worried that I am going to die of happiness or a cuteness overload and this is one of those times.  
   
"Mavis, that's so cute!!! We are going to get on the first train we can, deal with that dark guild in the blink of an eye and then we are going to catch a boat or fly there or do whatever it takes to get to that island and we are going to see a fairy. God I'm excited!" I can barely hold in the happiness I am feeling.  
"So you're not going to make fun of me for it?" I can’t believe Mavis actually thought I would be mean to her about this.  
"Of course not! How could I make fun of you when you're being so cute?" I'm not usually this bold with Mavis but I'm making her laugh and I can’t say that I've been this happy in a long time so I guess it's ok for me to act this way.  
"Zeref! Can't you be serious? You'll make me blush if you keep calling me cute!" I choose not to point out the fact that she's already blushing to her and instead try and make her blush even more. I find it hard to believe that Mavis, the one who has been the object of my affection for so long is actually showing signs of liking me back, but I'm going to have to believe it if I want to ever have a chance with her. I need to remember to be brave. I tell myself, 'Zeref, be brave!'.  
   
"Well I guess you probably don't want me to say things like how cute your voice is, or how cute you are when you smile. And I should probably avoid words like adorable and beautiful and pretty right?" Mavis looks away from me as I talk but I know what she's trying to hide. I ask myself if it's even possible for their to be someone who is this cute and innocent. My mind tells me that of course it's impossible for someone like Mavis to exist but here she is, standing right in front of me. At this point both Mavis and I have faces so red they could rival the sky at sunset. Mavis turns back to look at me and I swear that time stops for just a second when our eyes meet. As if by pure instinct my arms reach out and connect me to her. I pull her close to me and in turn she reaches up on her toes and tries to grab on to me. I bend down and she puts her arms around my neck, pulling me down even further. I catch a glimpse of the wonder that is her eyes before she closes them and brings her face up to mine. Her lips are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, and in a few seconds they'll be touching mine. I close my eyes and…  
"The Magnolia to Yuuyake town train has just arrived! It will be departing in 10 minutes! Repeat, the Magnolia…" At the noise of the speaker Mavis and I break apart immediately. With the heat of the moment gone, ruined by the announcement we stand there completely awkward, neither knowing what to do. I try to look back at Mavis but we end up turning at the same time and looking straight at each other. We both instantaneously look away again. Just a few seconds ago there was virtually no distance between us and now we stand so far apart that we couldn't even touch the tips of our fingers together if we tried.  
   
I feel totally embarrassed, and in shock at the same time. Did that really just happen? Did I really almost kiss Mavis? It seems like I'm in a beautiful and very impossible dream but when I pinch myself I can feel the slight pain of it, and more so, the face I see on Mavis is too perfect to be simply a dream. I've never seen her this vulnerable, there's no way I'd be able to dream her like this. So that would have to mean that I'm awake, that I'm not dreaming. That for some reason that god only knows Mavis would be compelled to kiss me of all people. Not to put myself down or anything but I simply can't get rid of my shock. The shock that Mavis actually likes me, and not to sound like a drivelling fifth grader, but likes likes me. I mean, ever since the day we met, when she cleansed my soul and helped me understand what had happened, I had loved her, and she clearly cared about me as well. But it was never as more than a friend, and that's all I ever thought she would feel for me. Contrary to many peoples beliefs based on my past I am a human being and usually I don't like to be wrong, just like anyone else on this planet. But god be damned if this isn't the happiest moment ever for me, and all because I was wrong about Mavis's feelings. As all these thoughts are fighting each other in my brain, each trying to be the dominant one, a new horse enters the race yelling all the things I am suddenly forgetting. One that says: "Zeref! Just remember that you two didn't actually kiss. Oh, and if that wasn't enough neither of you are probably going to able to make coherent words for quite a while and when you do they will be an embarrassed, awkward mess." My brain always has to ruin my time by thinking rationally.  
   
"Um, yeah, soooo, you, and me and oh god this is a-awkward so yeah." At least Mavis is as rattled as me.  
"Yeah, um, I guess we almost, uh, k-k-k-kissed hey. Uh, how about that?" I swear my mouth has somewhere detached itself from my brain.  
"Yeah, can you imagine that? I mean, yeah, us, uh, k-k-kissing. Weird right? I mean that would never, uh, happen right?" Mavis stuttering as she talks is so cute that I swear I almost die, but to be honest I think the words she is stuttering have a bigger affect on me. She must be regretting what we did, no, what we almost did. I can’t believe I read so much into the situation before, of course she doesn't like me. Of course.  
"Uh yeah, y-you and me, I can't even imagine it," I imagine it every night as I fall asleep, "something must have ah, come over us. Right? It must have been the heat or the uuuh, the trip! We were so excited about it it's no wonder we wouldn't act like our regular selves." It's true that I wasn't my regular self, but my regular self is insanely jealous of the Zeref who got so close to Mavis right now.  
"You're right, something must have been wrong with us. But, uh, it's not like anything happened right? I mean, we didn't even k-k-kiss. Let's just, forget it. Ok?" I can see pain in Mavis's eyes as she says, 'forget it', but I assume she's just pretending. She probably realised that while hers were impulse my feelings are real, and being the sweet angel she is she wouldn't want to hurt my feelings. With anyone else, I would see this as pity. But with her I see it as concern and it is beautiful  
"Yeah, let's forget it." I will remember it for the rest of my life.  
   
"Anyway, they just called our train. We don't want to uh, miss it, right?" I can tell how hard she is trying to steer our conversation away from the awkward territory we have been smack bang in the middle of.  
"I guess we should go. We don't want to miss that island do we?" I can't make Mavis wait any longer than she has to by missing that train. No matter what emotional turmoil I'm going through, no matter how high inside my body my heart is currently dancing like a maniac and no matter how many insanely impossible butterflies are currently flapping their wings without end inside of my stomach, I can't let that get to me. I need to catch that train and make her happy.  
"That's the spirit! Now let's go! If we get there early we can get window seats!" And with that Mavis seems to be back to her usually, perky and overjoyed self. But that side of her doesn't last very long. As she starts walking she holds out her hand out for me to grab on to out of habit, and I, out of habit, start to reach for it. In the second that we both realise this we are back to our blushing, awkward selves.  
"Uh, why don't we just walk by ourselves." These are words that the normal me would never want to say, but neither of us can deal with being so close now that our fleeting moments of impulse are gone.  
"Yes, I think that'd be best." Mavis replies to me with a slight tinge of disappointed in her voice. And so, we walk to the train both together and separately. Right next to each other, and not even in the same world.


	4. Chapter 4

We are surrounded by people yelling and laughing, the sound of the train on its rails but Mavis and I sit in complete silence. Neither of us has said a word to the other since we decided not to walk together. The awkwardness between us has not dissipated, if anything, it's just gotten more awkward with time. Great. Everyone's heard all the stories, the ones the old me laughed and scoffed at and the ones the new me dreamed of. The stories of two lovers who would overcome every obstacle together, and when the time came when they had their big kiss everything was perfect. Ever since I met her I always figured that if I ever had a story like that, it would end the same. That when our big kiss came everything would come together and nothing would be awkward. Our situation could not be any more different. I guess dreams really are for sleeping. The train gradually comes to a stop and I'm looking out the window and another train station, just like the one in Magnolia.  
"The train has now arrived in Yuuyake town, any patrons going to Yuuyake town please depart now. I repeat,…" The voice of the announcer pulls me out of my thoughts, just like how it brought Mavis and I out of our impulse before.  
"Well, this is our stop. We better get off." Mavis talks with a smile but I can tell it's a struggle for her.  
"Yeah, uh, let's go!" My pathetic attempt to seem enthusiastic doesn't even convince Mavis for a second, but she lets it go. As I stand up to leave I bang my head on the top of the train.  
"Ow!" I scream out. I look around to see everyone staring at me and feel my cheeks get hot once again. Mavis gets up from her seat and then proceed to jump on top of it. Thanks to her extremely small stature she has not problem whatsoever with this. Now that she is on the chair she is just taller than me, which gives her enough height to see over my head.  
"Are you ok Zeref?" She checks my head to see if I'm fine and for a few seconds there is no awkwardness, just me and her like normal. But then of course the jerk that is reality has to butt its head in and make the two of realise how close we are. Our proximity would usually not even be a big deal, but after that almost kiss, apparently we can't enough be this close.  
"I'm ok Mavis, I just bumped my head. Let's just get going. We can't waste time here when we have your island to get to." I dismiss my injury because let's face it, something as small as this could never really hurt me for more than a few seconds, but I find myself wishing I had hurt myself worse so that Mavis could tend to my wounds, ok, now that just sounded too weird. Get yourself together Zeref, geez!  
"You're right! Ok, let's go." The smile on Mavis's face is a real one this time, so we get going.  
   
 _Whenever I think of Mavis I think of what I could have done to prevent her from dying, what I could have done to save her. I always say something like: "If I had told her my feelings she wouldn't have died," or, "If I had never met her she wouldn't have died". While I do feel that all these things are true, Whenever I think back on what I regret most it is always when I went on the job to Yuuyake town with her. That was when I let myself go for the first time. I almost kissed her before the job, and then after it I actually did. I finally told her my feelings and lost all control I had over myself. No matter what else happened I still blame myself for everything that happened that day. And whenever I look back on it, that day was the reason Mavis died. I try to stop myself from remembering that job, it hurts so much every time I think about it. But I can't even control my memories anymore, and my mind sucks me back into that day. ___  
  
Mavis and I walk into a building that doesn't seem like it should be standing. The sign on the door reads: "Dwelling darkness."  
"I guess we found our dark guild. How do you want to do this?" I turn to face Mavis as I speak and I can see an evil grin sneaking its way onto her face.  
"Ok, so what I'm thinking is, you blow through the front doors, scare the crap out of them and then I crash through the ceiling and they'll all be looking at me in all my awesomeness and then you fire off your magic and I'll fire off mine and it'll look so pretty!" I almost forgot how over the top Mavis likes to be.  
"Well, while that will be very, theatrical, it might not be what we're looking for. There's hundreds of mages in there, I'm thinking stealth might be best for this job." Mavis pouts as she hears my rebuttal.  
"You always say we need to be stealthy! But tell me this, is there anyone that's equal to you, someone that could actually fight back against you? Yes! There's one person and that's me. It goes the other way around too, you're the only person strong enough to fight me. And yet you always want to be so careful when we go on jobs. Stealth is for people who aren’t strong enough to fight straight on, you and me are strong enough for a little extravagance. And besides that, you know my nickname! Do you think people would call me the Fairy Tactician if I wasn't good at making plans?" I'm always so terrible at arguing with Mavis, I can never say no to her. God damn it!  
"This is so not going to end well, when we get cornered 20 of them to 1 of us I am going to say I told you so!" I try to feel angry at Mavis for making us take her insane strategy but she does make a good point, she's not called the Fairy Tactician for nothing.  
"That's the spirit! I'll see you inside then!" With that Mavis gets a running start and leaps up to the top of the building. Once she's at the centre of the roof I walk over to the doors. I summon my power and blast the doors off their hinges.  
"Well hello there everyone! It has come to the attention of Fairy Tail that you are all part of a dark guild. I understand that my being here to destroy you will probably make you want to run screaming but I'm afraid you're all going to have to stay here." Mavis has got to be happy with that eccentric introduction. Although, I can't say the same for the members of the guild. Every eye is on me and every weapon is drawn. Within a few seconds every member of the guild is rushing at me with everything they have, screaming at the top of their voices. I send out another wave of magic and stop them all before they even get within 10 metres of me. In the few seconds that they are flying back from my magic Mavis bursts through the ceiling in all her glory and the room is filled with an impossibly beautiful light. Every member of the guild is as completely perplexed and so they should be. It's not everyday you get to see pure death and pure life working together in such a perfect harmony. The guild members start to get up again, and in response I concentrate my magic and use it to form hundreds of black swords. I send them with 100% accuracy and every one hits its target. About half of the guild is now strung up to the wall, unable to move even the slightest. I summon more magi-  
   
"Kyaaaaaaaaaa!"A scream so high pitched it could only be Mavis pierces through the air. I whip my body around to see Mavis held down by four men each more disgusting than the last.  
"Mavis!!!" Damn it, god damn it! I should have never agreed to this, I should have never let her be in this much danger. We should have gone in quietly and used stealth to our advantage. God damn it I should have been there to protect her! Damn it damn it damn it!  
"I swear if you don't let go of her right now I will rip you limb from limb, I will paralyse you with my magic and torture while you watch, helplessly contorted with pain and crying out for a saviour that will never come. If you do not let her go I will show you no mercy." I cannot contain the anger within me. The only reason I have not murdered the men in front of me already is because Mavis is between them and me. If she wasn't there I would revert to my old self just long enough to show them what true pain is.  
"What are you, an idiot? You think we're just gonna let her go because you asked us? Although, we could make a bit of a deal. You leave her and all your valuables with us and walk out of here, we won't hurt her. And don't worry, we'll have a little fun and send her home safe and sound, physically at least." As the disgusting, despicable man talks he grabs onto Mavis's hair and rips her towards him. Her face shows nothing but agony before she lets out another scream.  
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Zeref!" The disgusting, despicable, horrible, vile man grins at me, showing off his disgusting yellow teeth before turning to Mavis and running his course tongue along Mavis's pure skin. I can no longer hold anything in.  
"Zeref! Help! Please!" I think back to the days before I met Mavis. To the days when I was a cold blooded murderer who wielded the magic of death. I was someone feared by all, I was the reckoning of everything bad in the world. I take my memories and use them to give me power now. I feel my magic surge through me more intensely than I've felt it since I met her. My face turns into one of pure rage and although I want to make this poor excuse for a human being suffer for hours and days on end, I can't control my magic that much. I am far too angry to limit my power.  
"Zeref no! You don't need to kill them! You don’t need to go back to the old you!" Mavis is screaming for me but I don't pay her any mind. The disgusting, despicable, horrible, vile, loathsome man slaps her across the face as she talks, yelling at her to shut the hell up. That's the last straw. I send out all my magic throughout the guild.  
"Noooooooo!" Mavis screams again but I can't go back now. My magic surges through the guild, every last bit of it filled with my pure rage and hatred. I see faces of sheer terror and then all I see is black. I had once again forgotten how good it feels to use all of my magic, and god it feels good. The room slowly gets lighter as my magic fades away. With every second a new face is uncovered, each one more distorted than the last. The faces of the dead still carry the same expression as when they died. Mouths open in screams that were cut short, tears that barely had a chance to fall. The one thing every single person shares is that they died in horrible, agonizing pain. Like they should have. After looking at the aftermath of my attack, I start to gain control of myself again. The rage lets me go and I start to think rationally again. I look around the guild for Mavis's face, and I see it. She's lying on the floor. Her eyes are closed.  
"Mavis! You can get up now! It's ok, they're all gone. It's ok." Despite my words she doesn't move. Not even an eye lash flutters.  
"Mavis? Please tell me your ok." Oh god, could I have hurt her with my magic too? Could I have… kil-. No! I won't even say the words. It can't be true, of course it can't be true. I run over to where she is lying and get a good look at her. Out of everyone in the guild, she's the only one who doesn't look like she's in pain. Her face is as perfect as always, so why won't she get up, why won't she say something back to me?  
'Mavis, you're starting to scare me. Come on, you can get up now." Nothing. What have I done What have I done What have I done What have I done oh god oh god oh god. Tears start to fall from my eyes, I reach down and bundle Mavis up in my arms, she's so little, she fits just like a cat would.  
"Mavis?" I say questioningly.  
"Mavis? I know you're ok." I thought I knew she was fine but with every passing second that she isn’t I get less sure. I pull her close to me and sob into her dress. She still feels so warm, so alive, there's no way I could have… there's no way she could be… And yet she won't wake. I can feel my emotions taking control over me again. I start to shake her, yelling at her.  
"WAKE UP MAVIS! JUST WAKE UP AND LOOK AT ME I KNOW YOU’RE FINE! YOU HAVE TO BE FINE!" She doesn't wake up. She doesn’t do anything. I let her go and walk away. I need to clear my head, I can't take my anger out on her. I pick up the first corpse I see and throw it into the wall with all the strength I can muster. Then I take another and tear its head of its body. I rip off his arms and his legs too and shred them to pieces. I summon my magic again and fire it off again and again and again and again. First at the wall, then at some corpses then at the door and then more corpses. I just don't know how to deal with what is happening, so I keep destroying. I see the disgusting, despicable, horrible, vile, loathsome man and I lift him above my head. I summon my strength, close my eyes and concentrate, and send him sailing into the fireplace. I can smell his skin burning and his eyes roasting within his skull as he becomes truly unrecognisable. I tear another corpse in half, use it like a baseball bat and hit another into the fire. I start to laugh manically, uncontrollably, so much like I did when I was the old me. I am enjoying this. I am enjoying this so much. A giant grin makes its way to my face as I decapitate another body.  
"STOP!" One word, just one word. I hear it and I can suddenly think again. One word from that amazing mouth with that pure voice and I can control myself again.  
"Just stop Zeref, they're already dead." Mavis's voice trembles as she talks.  
"M-m-m-mavis! Mavis! Oh thank god Mavis! You're, you're ok! Mavis!" The tears start again, this time they fall without end. Streaking off of my face and falling onto hers. But the difference is, these tears aren't the same as the ones of pure despair from before. These tears are ones of pure joy.  
"I, I, I'm sorry Mavis. I'm so sorry. I thought you were d-dead. I, they, he was holding you down and then he hurt you and he dared to touch your perfect face with his disgusting tongue and he hurt you again and he screamed at you and I just couldn’t take it. I couldn’t let him live, I couldn’t let any of them live. And then I thought you were dead and I, I just, I had to destroy. I had to destroy everything because I couldn’t deal with it any other way. I'm just, I'm sorry Mavis. I'm so so sorry, I know you didn’t want me to kill them, and god I put you in danger! Not only that I was the one who hurt you! Oh god, oh god, oh-"  
"Zeref! Stop! Ok? Just stop." Mavis stops me mid-word.  
"You don’t have to apologise, I understand. I understand you better than anyone else who has lived, is living or will ever live. I shouldn't have doubted you, I should have gone with your plan. I know what you would do if I was ever hurt and yet I went out of my way to put myself in danger. I knew what would happen if I asked you to save me, I knew you wouldn’t be able to stop. But I did it anyway! I was selfish, I've become so dependant on you. You've always been there for me, and I knew that when I called you'd answer. I'm the one who needs to be sorry Zeref, not you. I know you well enough to tell when you're unstable and I've never seen you worse than you were just then." As she speaks tears starts to fall from her eyes as well. I pull her close to me and simply hug her. I feel her warmth with mine and I know that she's safe, that she's mine.  
"I guess we're both feeling pretty bad right now. Can we just admit that we're both sorry?" I'm so happy just to have her next to me here.  
"Yes Zeref, of course we can do that. Of course." She feels so good next to me.  
"Ok then, well, I might as well say it again. I'm sorry Mavis. Just for everything in general. I hope you'll forgive me because I sure as hell forgive you for anything you've done or will do and I don't think I could live if you didn't do the same." How is it that I can be so happy now when I was so infuriated a few minutes ago, and so miserable a few minutes before that. I don’t understand, but do I have to?  
"I forgive you Zeref, now and forever." Mavis smiles as she looks at me, I smile back. I mumble to myself,  
"You don't know how much you mean to me Mavis, you don't know just how much I love you."  
"Did you say something just now?" Mavis asks me.  
"No, nothing at all." I say back. I'm not ready to tell her yet. I wonder if I'll ever be ready. If I can't tell her now of all times, will I ever be able to? Oh well, I don’t need to think about that now. All I need to think about is the fact that Mavis is alive, that should be good enough for me. But, how is she alive? I start to wonder to myself.  
"Hey Mavis, how did you survive before? I mean, no one else here did, and, you couldn’t have had time to use your magic. How did you manage to live through my magic?" I feel wrong asking her thing, I can’t find a way to say it that doesn’t sound like I'm somehow disappointed that she did survive my magic. But she understands me. She knows that would never ever be my intention.  
"You know how strong my magic is! When it sensed I was danger, it automatically put up a shield, to protect me. It took a lot of effort on my part, even though it was subconscious. Which I why I couldn’t wake up for a while after the attack. I know I must have worried you sick by not waking up. God, I'm sorry." Wow is all I can think, I knew Mavis was strong, but I never knew she had this much power within her.  
"Wow. Just, wow." Not my most poignant response.  
"I guess you underestimated me again Zeref! That is something you just can’t do!" After all that happened today, the near kiss, when I thought she was dead, my massacre, when I found out she was alive. After all the crazy insane things she is back to her normal self. And when I think about it, so am I.  
"I really need to learn better! How could I have underestimated you of all people? I should know that you will always exceed my expectations!" I am almost laughing, I can’t believe just how quickly she can turn my entire mood, my entire world up side down.  
"Really Zeref, you should have known that." While we're talking I remember why we went on this job in the first place.  
"I almost completely forgot! But you and me have an island to go to!" As she remembers she can't hide her happiness.  
"Yes! We need to go right now! Come on Zeref, you are going to have the time of your life!" Mavis reaches out her hand, just like she did on the day we met. I take it without hesitation.  
"Mavis, we are going to have the time of our lives! Now let's go!" We run to the dock together, in perfect harmony.


	5. Chapter 5

I look up from the ferry and see the island for the first time. It is… beautiful. In the middle of the island is a single tree that soars into the sky, its leaves the most spectacular green I've ever seen.  
"Mavis! Look! It's… It's amazing!" Mavis looks up and sees the same view I am currently in awe of. Her eyes light up, her mouth opens wide and I can tell she's as shocked as I am.  
"Zeref! It's the most beautiful place I've ever seen! And look at that tree! It's huge!" Mavis grabs my hand and pulls me along with her to the very front of the boat. I assume she is trying to get a better view of the island, but then we reach the front and Mavis kicks off the boat, flying through the air like the fairy she is, the fairies she hopes to find here.  
"Do you really have to do that?" I berate her but both of us know I'm not serious about it.  
"Come on Zeref! Don't be so strict! I simply couldn't wait any longer! I want to be there now!" This is just so like her. I let out a laugh as we fly through the air, the wind whipping past us. Mavis lands on her toes, standing with perfect posture, while on the other hand, I barely manage to stay upright. I try to balance but it doesn't last long. I start to fall to the ground but within a second Mavis is there, holding me up.  
"T-thanks." I stutter.  
"Anytime my dear Zeref!" Mavis beams..  
"So, now that we're here, what do you want to do? Oh, and before I forget, where is, here?" Halfway through my sentence I realise that I don't even know the name of the island we're on. And yet here I am on the island.  
"This, is the magical island of Tenroujima, and we are going to be going on an adventure! I have a map in here," as she talks she rummages around in her bag and brings out a map, "of the whole island. All these little circles are the places that the rumours say have fairies. So, we're going to be going to each of these and we are going to see some fairies!" Mavis must have been planning this for a while now.  
"Ok then, let's get going! Where to first?" My enthusiasm is as real as it's ever been, and when Mavis notices that she starts smiling even more.  
"I'm glad you asked! The first stop is just a little way down the beach, there's a spot where a bunch of little rock pools have formed and rumour says that in those rock pool are, you guessed it, fairies!" Mavis's excitement is rubbing off on me, and for the first time ever, I'm the one to reach out my hand, and she's there to take it.  
"Let's go!" We run down the beach, feeling the cool breeze in our faces, the wind ever so slightly tinted with salt from the water. When we finally reach the pools they are astonishing, but there is a lack of fairies in them. Mavis and I search for about an hour, checking under every rock and in every crevice, trying to coax little fairies out of hiding holes, but nothing comes of it, so we eventually have to decide its time to move on.  
   
 _We went to so many places before that place on our visit to Tenroujima. But we never found any fairies. Except, for one place. The last place we went. That place. The place where Mavis died. ___  
  
"Ok Zeref! This is the last spot on my list! It's a cave around the centre of the island. There's actually 8 different paths all around this one, but none of them have fairies! Or at least so the rumours go. So this is our last chance." After all the disappointment of not finding anything again and again Mavis is still smiling, and it's not even forced. Even if she doesn't find what she's looking for she's still enjoying herself. She is still so sure that we will find what we're looking for. That's just how positive she is.  
"We're going to find them Mavis. I can feel it, this place has got to be right." I on the other hand, have become more discouraged each time we found nothing. I try and try but I can't be as positive as her. Although that doesn't mean I'm going to express this to her. I'm not going to ruin her fun because of my doubts.  
"You had better not be just trying to make me feel better!" Am I really that bad a liar?  
"I wouldn't dream of it Mavis." I can't tell if she believes me or not, but I hope she does. We both close our eyes and walk. I have one arm to the left and she has one arm to the right so we won't bump into anything. We stumble along like that for what feels like ages, but is actually something more like a few minutes. After a while I figure we must be close to the end of the cave, so I put my hand out in front of me. Sure enough, about half a minute later my hand touches solid rock.  
"Well, this is the end." I brace myself in anticipation, ready to open my eyes and see a scene of pure beauty, a scene where fairies are flying in front of our eyes.  
"This is the end." Mavis does the same.  
   
 _No! I forcefully pull myself out the memory. No! I won't relive it again! I can't go through it again. I don't even know how many times I've made myself remember that day, that mission, that trip to Tenroujima, that cave, those fairies and that kiss. That kiss that I will always regret until the day I die, not that that day is going to come any time soon. I wish it would though. I wish I could find a way to die, to end my life and stop living in this endless pain. Every day I wake up, I walk around the island. Everything that crosses my path dies and then I come back here. Back to the cave Mavis and I went to that day. Back to her grave. Sometimes I just sit and stare at it, at her. It's been hundreds of years, but her body is still there. It's been reduced to nothing but bones, slowly rotting under the Earth but she's still there. I still spend my days with her, but it's not the same and could never ever be the same. Because she isn't here with me to enjoy my company, and all her company does it bring my sadness. Every now and then I remember the good times we had, but more often than not I remember our last day together. Almost every day I remember this cave hundreds of years ago, I remember her last time alive. I remember everything. But I don't want to! I refuse to lose myself in these memories any more! I won't, I won't… ___

We open our eyes in unison. I am in total awe. I open my mouth to speak but I can't find the words. I am rendered speechless at the sight in front of me.  
"Oh, oh my god. I, I can't b-b-believe it!" Mavis's voice is shaking, she can barely even get the words out. I guess she's as shocked as me. I was always supportive of her but I never actually imagined we'd find anything.  
"F-f-f-fairies! Zeref! Zeref zeref zeref are you seeing this? Oh my god!" Both of us look as if we've just seen something impossible. I never thought I would say anything like this and not mean it is exaggeration, but I am.  
"This is… amazing. I, I just can't believe my eyes. You're seeing them too right?" I'm starting to think I'm going crazy. Surely this can't actually be happening.  
"Of course I see them! They're so beautiful Zeref!" And they really are. Lighting up the whole cave, flying all around us is tens of tiny little fairies. Every single one has shining wings of a different colour, as I stare at them I feel like they're light is travelling inside me and making me shine with their brightness. Mavis reaches out her hand and one lands as gracefully as a bird in the wind on the tip of her finger. It's as if she turns into a child again, showing such joy and nothing else. Her smile is even more captivating than the scene in front of us. I stare at her as she stares at the tiny figure on her little finger.  
"Hello little fairy." At the sound the fairy looks up into Mavis's face. It doesn't speak a word, but I can tell its trying to communicate. It lets out a series of high pitched squeaks that sound more like music than words. A few seconds later the rest of them start to sing as well. I hear the melody from all around me, it resonates on every wall, every crevice, every part of my body, just everywhere. It is so impossibly sweet. If I were to imagine all the sweetest things in the world it wouldn't even compare to this. The sound, the light, the sheer impossibility of the situation makes it perfect. The most perfect moment ever. I'm about to say so but as I open my mouth to speak Mavis starts to talk.  
   
"This is the best moment of my life, ever." Mavis chorused. She literally took the words out of my mouth, but I doubt anyone could be thinking anything else if they were where we are. Everything else here is so impossible, so I figure I might as well add in one more thing that would never happen.  
"The best moment so far." I turn and look down at Mavis, staring into her perfect green eyes. Normally I would be far too afraid and nervous to do something like this, but the atmosphere here could not be any more perfect. I feel like this is what I have to do. I couldn't do anything else. I don't have enough control to do anything else.  
"What do you me-" I silence her words with the pressure of my mouth on hers. My heart beats faster than I ever thought possible, feeling like it's about to explode out of my chest in a fiery explosion. The feel of Mavis's lips is the most perfect thing I have ever experienced, they're soft as a marshmallow on a cloud and moist like the dew that lies on the grass in the early hours of the morning. The feel of them on my own lips makes me feel both weaker and stronger than I ever have at the same time. I am losing control of myself in the face of the kiss but I don't even care. I wrap my arms around her back and lift her up, eliminating the height difference between us. Her chest is on my chest, her heart beating just as fast as mine. I can feel Mavis's hesitation slip away as she opens herself to the kiss. Her arms reach up behind my head as her fingers entangle themselves in my hair. I slip my tongue inside her mouth and she grips my hair even harder, puller me down even closer to her. I walk her over to the wall of the cave and push her up against it. In one fluid motion her legs wrap around my waist and I can feel so much heat from her. She leaves tiny little bites all over my lower lip making my whole body tingle with sensation. I really am loosing control.  
   
In the heat of the moment I think back to all that time ago before I met Mavis, when I would use my magic of death to its full power and think that that was true bliss. What an idiot I was. How could I ever think that something could be as good as this? This, right now, is true bliss and nothing compares to it. Nothing. We are touching everywhere and the heat between us makes me feel as if I could simply melt into her. Our lips move together again and again as my tongue explores every part of Mavis's mouth and hers does the same. God am I loosing control. I separate my mouth from hers and start planting butterfly kisses all over her body. Working my way down her perfectly shaped jawline, to her sweet neck and the beautiful blades of her shoulder. I can hear her panting and moaning as I do.  
"God Zeref, I love you so much. I'm so in love with you!" Mavis screams out to me, with emotion so tangible I feel like I could reach out and grab it. At the sound of those words I completely lose control of myself. Completely.  
"Mavis, you don't even understand how much I love you. I love you I love you I love you." I keep mumbling the same three words over and over again against her mouth. I can't believe it took me so long to say it. I start to feel something dark rumbling inside of me. I pay it no attention, but then it starts to get worse. I'm sure it's just the lust I feel for Mavis right now. I don't need to worry. As I think this the feelings gets violently expelled from my body. It's presence now gone I can stop worrying and focus entirely on Mavis. I bring my lips back to her mouth and part her own. But something is different, she's not giving into the kiss like before. Did she decide she doesn't want this after all? Has she changed her mind. Oh god no, that can't happen. She loves me, she said she did. She's probably just nervous, I need to show her that she doesn't need to be. I start to kiss her more forcefully, with all the passion in my body like a rising fire at the peak of its blaze. Letting her feel every part of the human being I am. But still she doesn't react. I feel her body start to slump down, her face burying into my shoulder, her arms and legs going limp around me. I am really starting to worry now. I stop the kiss and untangle her from my body. I flatten her body against the wall and see her properly for the first time since she stopped reacting. Her eyes have no life in them, her whole body is as pale as winter.  
   
Oh god, what is wrong with her?  
"Mavis? Can you hear me? M-mavis?" She doesn't say anything, her face doesn't change in the slightest. Her body starts to slide down the wall and I catch her before she hits the ground.  
"M-m-mavis?" I start to shake her, like I did at the job today when I thought she was dead. But she was just unconscious then. Surely it's the same now. Maybe she was just so happy she couldn't contain herself and fainted? That must be it! But when I look at her eyes I know it's not. I know I'm just giving myself delusions. But she can't just die. Nothing happened to her. People don't just die, especially not people as strong and brave and amazing and awe inspiring as Mavis. But then I think back to the dark feeling inside of me. As I think about what the feeling could have been it's like puzzle pieces fitting themselves in one after the other. The final piece clicks in and my body is completely filled with dread. It couldn't have been my magic right? I mean, it couldn't have been? But when I think back it makes so much sense. All that time I felt myself losing control, I assumed I was losing control of my inhibitions, the ones that always told me that I couldn't kiss Mavis, I couldn't tell her my feelings. But what I was really losing control of was my magic. Every second that I spent in such pure bliss with Mavis ignoring the dark feeling inside me it grew and grew until it couldn't grow anymore and burst out from inside me. Oh god. This can't have happened, but everything that I think of says that it must have. But she's stood up to my magic before, her magic is just as strong as mine, it would have protected her. It would have been like the first time we met, or earlier today. Her magic nullifies mine, obviously I couldn't have done anything to her, her magic would have stopped me.  
   
"Mavis, you're ok right? You're just playing with me? I don't like the joke though Mavis, so please, I beg of you just snap out of it. Ok?" I beg and plead with her, my voice trembling so much I'm surprise I can even make words. I tried so hard to convince myself that I couldn't have hurt her but the proof that I did is staring me in my murderers face. Then logic starts to set in again. I didn't have control of my magic whatsoever, so how could she have? She was in an equally euphoric state as me, we were both happy and filled with joy beyond imagination. If I lost control of my magic isn't it painfully believable that she could have lost control of hers too? If she had lost control of hers she wouldn't have been able to use it to protect herself from me. She wouldn't have been expecting me to use my magic anyway. Why on earth would she? Everything makes so much sense, and the truth that it falling into place is the most painful thing I have ever experienced. My chest feels like it's going to rip itself open and tear itself to pieces. My heart is throbbing uncontrollably underneath my skin and with every beat my chest tightens a little bit more and it hurts a hell of a lot more.  
   
"No, No, No, No, No, No, NO, NO, NO!" I scream and scream and scream and scream until I can't scream anymore. My voice is hoarse and my throat is dry and cracked. I look down at Mavis again only to see that in my rage I have let her sink to the floor. I collapse onto my knees and scramble up her body, holding it tight to my chest. I rock back and forth, holding onto it. While I do I realise that she is cold. As cold as the ice forming in my heart.  
"No, No, No, Noooooo, No, No, No-o, Noo, No….." Back and forth, back and forth I rock, methodically crying out. Sometimes I say it with one syllable, sometimes with more, sometimes I wail it out, extending the sound for what seems like forever. But it's always the same word. No. Always no. I don't know how long I've been crying for but by now my face is thoroughly wet. The only sounds are my tears falling and splashing onto the ground and my constant never ending wailing. My 'no's' start to become inconceivable nonsense and I am just making noise. Guttural sounds of pain and frustration. I pull Mavis's head up to mine and rub it against my own. Breathing in her smell of flowers and cinnamon and sunlight. So perfect. Unlike at the guild here there is nothing for me to destroy but myself. I let go of Mavis and gently lay her down on the floor of the cave before I walk over to the wall that looks the coarsest. 'Thunk!' I bash my head into the wall, the sound rings in my ears and I see little streams of blood starting to dribble down from the top of my fore head. "Thwack!" I do it again. This time it hurts even more, and blood starts gushing from the top of my head. But what the hell do I care. Even if I wasn't immortal this would only be a reprieve for me. Especially if I wasn't immortal. I don't want to admit it, I resist against it with my entire being but I can't keep kidding myself. I killed her. I killed Mavis, my one and only true love. The most important person in the world.  
   
"I KILLED HER! ARE YOU HAPPY? I MURDERED HER AND NOW SHE'S LYING HERE DEAD WHILE I'M HERE TOTALLY FINE! WHY DON'T YOU JUST KILL ME ALREADY? I KILLED HER FOR GOD'S SAKE! JUST KILL ME!" No surprise to me, my pathetic plea to whatever higher power might be up there reaps no results. Of course not, I can't be killed. You can't kill something that's immortal. But why the hell not? I deserve to die, to die painfully at that. I killed Mavis Vermillion! I made her trust me and then I murdered her in cold blood! It was all my fault! Everything! Why can't I just die, why, why, why? I can no longer pretend that I can deal with anything that is happening right now. So I scream. I scream out so loud anyone in the world could hear me. I scream until my head feels so light that it can't even work anymore and then I faint, smashing my head on the ground.  
   
 _Why do my memories always betray me? WHY? I sit next to her grave bawling my eyes out, living the horrors of my past. I cling to her grave, embracing all I have left of her. I said I wouldn't live through it again but I couldn't do it. I couldn't stop myself. I never can. I'm never strong enough. The pain is too real, it's just too real. It was my fault she died, I was the cause of everything that happened to her, to us. If I hadn't been with her, if I hadn't have met her everything would have been different. Hundreds of years and I'm still no better at coping as I was then, hundreds of years and I'm still haunted by her ghost, still living the same days, through the same pain. Hundreds of years and yet whenever I can no longer deal with it I resort to the same measure I did that day. I scream. I scream out so loud anyone in the world could hear me. I scream until my head feels so light that it can't even work anymore and then I faint, smashing my head on the ground. ___


End file.
